Curveballs...and gratitude.

Picture this: Me, chilling on the beach on the tropical island on which I was born, snapping a gazillion pictures of my cousin, Grace, as the sun sets on the horizon behind her, laughing endlessly at her as she jumps for the 28th time as we try to get that perfect shot of her petite self in the air.

Or this: Me, with my 6-person posse, crammed into one of my girlfriend's car, jamming to either Westlife or Simple Plan or some outdated boyband song from the early 2000s as we try to navigate our way through the city center in search of a restaurant we had seen on a Facebook post entitled "Top 5 places to go if you're a foodie", or something along those lines.

That was exactly how I had envisioned my August... until the universe decided to throw a massive curveball that is a worldwide pandemic at humanity. Now I am typing this from my boyfriend's place as we (try to) isolate ourselves from the outside world, as instructed by the government.

Don't get me wrong, I have zero fears in contracting the virus. My main concern, however, is having it spread to my loved ones back home. The only thing I want to bring home is duty-free maple syrup, not a life-threatening virus. Moreover, there is the possibility of the situation going south when I get back home, which could very well prevent me from coming back to finish my studies. 

Despite all this, I guess I should still be grateful for my circumstances. I was lucky enough to have landed myself a job before the pandemic, and even luckier to be able to extend my work term until the end of summer. Furthermore, I honestly could not have asked for a better partner with whom I could spend my seemingly endless indoor days. 

Picture this: Me, working a job that I love and being in a happy relationship. 

Uncertainties

It's amazing how quickly you can just fall into an abyss of existential crisis when you have nothing to do. Nothing lined up in your agenda. No one around to make plans with. No calls for a shift at your workplace.

How does one deal with all this uncertainty in one's life? Do I just go with the flow and wait for an opportunity to fall into my lap? The obvious answer came up as I was typing that sentence. No. Duh. Who am I if I don't take the initiative to reach out and work for what I want?

Maybe all this uncertainty is exactly what I need in life. I've never really had to step out and seek for that which I need. I've always been a happy-go-lucky sorta person, and honestly speaking I think I've gotten quite lucky for the most part of my life so far. Part-time jobs in the university just fell into my lap. Doing well in school (moderately well, I'm no prodigy) hasn't really been that hard either. I've always thought that if I do well in school and have at least some work experience, I'm good to go. Oh how wrong I was.

I never thought that finding a job would actually be this difficult. Sometimes I wonder if it's something that I've been doing wrong. Is it my resume? My capabilities? My lack of confidence? Then I speak to those around me and realize that I am not the only one who is going through this. We see those who succeed and we think that we're falling behind. What we don't see are those who are struggling to find some sort of stability in life; many are trying their best, yet still fail countless of times only to get back up and try again. I'm confident that the latter outnumbers the former. That is one thing that I'm certain of, despite all my other uncertainties.

Perhaps I find comfort in that.